Yah. I'm gonna Fight for This.

august 20, 2009

When do you fight for what you want/believe/love..when's the point you should surrender, if ever..

I have such a hard time letting things go by, letting things just happen...is it a control thing? i don't know. I see it as I don't like giving up. I don't like giving in. I always want to fight for what I believe in, what I want, what I need, the things and people I love...but sometimes I just don't know if I should, if it is the right thing to do. because I know most the time other people are involved and what if my fighting and perseverance and determination screws up their happiness or their advancement? what if fighting for all this makes things worse, not for me but for others? 

I do not like letting negative grow or go unsolved. Maybe it is OCD, I have to fix the problem, I always have to make things right...how is that bad though? Other than worrying about things I do not have to worry about...but I CARE! 
this is frustrating. my thoughts in circles...everything is complicated...I knew that though. I just wish that I could know for a fact what some people were thinking
I want what is best for me but I want whats best for those I love & those are conflicting wants at the moment...

but you know what..not fighting is worse. Not taking a stand is worse. Hating is worse. (duh) I'm not going to just stand by when I could reach out & let those I love know it! No matter what you do to me...I'm going to be there...no matter how bad you hurt me, I'm always gonna be there...yeah I'm that girl that cares no matter what horrible things you do, so what? I care.

I guess I just want my friends my family, those I Love to know that I will always fight for them...you may not believe it or ostensibly see it, but I always am..always will. I just want the best for them. I'll Always be here. to talk, to confide in, to be with.

but sometimes.. just sometimes..I need a response, a hint, a sign, reach out...tell me it is okay that I am fighting for these things, for you, for love, for friendship, for belief...

and one day I really hope that Someone fights as hard for me as I do for them...
until then, I'm definitely not just gonna give up.