Monday Night Thoughts

August 3, 2009

all this is on my mind. Gotta get it out. Care to read my thoughts?

Do you ever wonder if your everyday words affect people? It is scary...because I definitely hope that the things I say impact those around me but at the same time what if it is a negative impact? What if what I say totally ruins someone's day? Or makes them feel like a failure...then again what if that is just what they need to hear? To light a fire under them so that they change their lives around? I guess in wondering all this I can only hope that I do impact people, change them for the better. And if its not an immediate change for the better, I can live with that...as long as my words count for something. And thinking about this really teaches me a lesson. To be careful what I talk about, to whom I talk about certain things, and what I say...you really don't know who is listening. Who is learning from you or looking to you for guidance.

One of my deepest fears is that I let someone down. That their image of me is shattered by something I do or say...Then again this might teach them, we are all the same. We are human. None of us are perfect. It is cliche, I know...but nonetheless, true. Everyday is full of choices and mistakes. Its inevitable. So why not forgive those of their mistakes...because I bet you have made the same, at one point in your life, and if you haven't I bet you will and then you will look back and go wow I did the exact same thing so-and-so did and I treated them like shit for it...

I have learned to forgive. I forgive because I make the same mistakes everyone else does...we all have reasons for our choices. It's hard not to judge someone for them though, at first, but I want to make it a point to not judge anymore. To forgive. To love. And just be the best possible person I can be. 

I aim for perfection. I know its unattainable...but if I shoot for perfection I'll end up pretty well off don't ya think?

I think we all search for meaning. We don't necessarily think about it all the time, "today I am still searching for meaning," but its just something that is always there, unsaid, unthought, but present. pushing us through each day. I don't know what I am meant to do here.What my life is intended for, but I definitely plan on making the best of what I have...again this goes back to living my life fully, to forgive, to love, etc. I just hate seeing people so lost...so unsure of themselves...I mean I'm unsure, but I don't feel lost...I know for certain that love is real, and that I am here, alive for a reason. Maybe there was a point where I felt lost, actually okay there WAS a point where I felt lost, alone, desperate.(how could i forget?)...its so weird how during that time, I felt like that's all i knew, but now I feel like I never felt lost before...how interesting...how things change. I don't know the point of all this..hmm I am writing all this in a blog because I wish I had someone to share this with, my thoughts and feelings...so I decide to share with everyone who reads this :) Maybe my words will have an impact on you, as far as relateability (sp?)...believe me when I say you are not alone in how you are feeling. If you are happy, sad, depressed, angry...you are never alone!

this is my favorite bible verse, eh more like passage..

(Romans 12 NIV)

.... so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.Do not be conceited.Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.